HALLE BERRY’S PREGNANCY IS ONE OF THE TOP 10 THINGS THAT OFFENDED US THIS WEEK

We have come to the conclusion that America has become the über-sensitive nation of the world, getting offended and blowing just about anything out of proportion – whether it’s foul language on TV or the fact that some has-been comedian used a slur on his lame-ass telethon.

While it is hard to offend us, we seem to be able to find certain tidbits that make us want to scream obscenities in your children’s freakin’ ears.

We are offended that:

1) Oscar winner-turned-box office terrorist Halle Berry revealed that she and her arm candy, errrr, boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry, are expecting their first child. OMG! Everyone knows that being pregnant is sooo 2004. Anyone who is anyone is adopting. Duh.

2) It looks like David Beckham is going to be a bench warmer for the rest of the soccer season due to a knee injury. Well, that was $250 million well spent. That’s $250 million that could have been spent filming a big-budget sequel to a Jerry Bruckheimer film. You know, PEARL HARBOR 2 isn’t going to make itself.

3) Apparently, there are nekkid pics of 18-year-old HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL star Vanessa Hudgens circulating on the Web, much to the excitement of dirty old men everywhere. Looks like the young starlet flunked celebrity math. Naked photos + fame = Internet.

4) Even though she is currently single, Paris Hilton says she wants to be pregnant by next year. You know what that means, right? More sex tapes are on the way! Oh, and we should all prepare ourselves for a human being so dumb it actually sucks intelligence from people.

5) Danny Devito is threatening to make a sequel to THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN. In response, the box office threat level has been raised from DUPLEX to DEATH TO SMOOCHY.

6) “Singer” Britney Spears has been cleared of all allegations of child abuse in relation to her custody battle with “rapper/actor” ex-husband Kevin Federline. Charges that she has committed crimes against humanity are still pending.

7) George Clooney is dating a cocktail waitress from Las Vegas’ Palms Casino and Resort, giving cocktails waitresses throughout Sin City a sliver of hope that someday they will land an oh-so dreamy Oscar winner, too. Keep the dream alive, ladies. Oh, and bet your entire paycheck on red. You are bound to win sometime.

LAW & ORDER star and former Senator Fred Thompson has officially thrown his hat in the ring for the presidency. Objection, your honor! We argue that anyone who thought appearing in BABY’S DAY OUT was a good idea shouldn’t have access to nuclear weapons.

9) Sherri Shepherd is joining THE VIEW starting Monday. We’re sure she will do the daytime chatfest what she did for Emeril’s horrible NBC sitcom.

10) Jude Law was arrested after he channeled his inner Sean Penn on a photographer outside his London home. When asked for a reason, Law replied, “Hey, remember me. I’m Jude Law.” Hey Jude, leave the assaulting of photographers to untalented celebutards. You just concentrate on making a movie that’s worth a damn, m’kay.

Ex-Husband Congratulates Halle Berry

Oscar winner Halle Berry recently revealed that she is pregnant with her first child, and that both she and Gabriel Aubry, her boyfriend and father to be, are excited about the pregnancy.

In addition to receiving support from her fans and fellow actors, the Monster’s Ball star also received well-wishes from one of her former husbands.

Eric Benet, who split from Berry in 2004 due to his insatiable thirst for other women, wished Halle and her boyfriend happiness with their impending arrival, saying, “I wish Halle and her partner a healthy baby and all the happiness in the world.”

Halle and Gabriel first met each other when they were shooting a commercial back in 2005, and since then, the two have been trying to maintain their professional lives while keeping their personal relationship out of the media spotlight.

However, it appears that the upcoming birth of their child has forced the two lovebirds to open up to the media and discuss their life altering experience, with Halle proclaiming, “Yes, I am three months pregnant! Gabriel and I are beyond excited, and I’ve waited a long time for this moment in life. Now the next few months will be the longest of my life!”

Halle Berry Photo Archive

About Halle Berry

Halle Maria Berry (born August 14, 1966) is an Academy Award-winning American actress. Berry has received Emmy and Golden Globe awards, and received an Academy Award for Best Actress in 2002 for her performance in Monster’s Ball. She is the only woman of African American descent to have won the award for Best Actress.

Early life and career

Berry’s parents selected her first name from Halle’s Department Store, which was then a local landmark in her birthplace of Cleveland, Ohio. She is the daughter of Englishwoman Judith Ann (née Hawkins), a Liverpudlian, and Jerome Jesse Berry, who was African American. Berry’s maternal grandmother, Nellie Dicken, was born in Sawley, Derbyshire, England, while her maternal grandfather, Earl Ellsworth Hawkins (an American), was born in Ohio. Berry’s parents divorced when she was 4 years old and she was subsequently raised by her mother, a psychiatric nurse. Her father was an orderly in the same psychiatric ward where her mother worked and later worked as a bus driver. Berry has two older sisters, Heidi, who was born two years before her, and Renee (from a different mother).

Berry was a popular student at Bedford High School and was a cheerleader, honor society member, editor of the school newspaper, class president and prom queen. She worked in the children’s department at Higbee’s Department store. She subsequently attended Cuyahoga Community College.

Before becoming an actress, she entered several beauty contests, winning Miss Ohio USA and Miss Teen All-American. Other entries include Miss USA (first runner-up in 1986 to Christy Fichtner of Texas, the second of the Texas Aces), and sixth place in Miss World 1986 (the winner being Trinidad and Tobago’s Giselle Laronde). In the Miss USA 1986 pageant interview competition, she said she hoped to become an entertainer, or to have something to do with the media or newspaper. Her interview was awarded the highest score by the judges.

In 1989, during the taping of the short-lived television series Living Dolls, Berry lapsed into a coma and was diagnosed with diabetes mellitus type 1.

Hollywood career

In the late 1980s, she went to Chicago to pursue a modeling career as well as acting. One of her first acting projects was a television series for local cable by Gordon Lake Productions called Chicago Force. In 1992, Berry was cast as the love interest in the video for R. Kelly’s seminal hit, “Honey Love”. Berry auditioned for a role in an updated Charlie’s Angels television series by producer Aaron Spelling. She impressed Spelling and he encouraged her to continue acting.

In 1989, Berry landed the role of Emily Franklin in the short-lived ABC television series Living Dolls (a spin-off of Who’s the Boss?). Her breakthrough feature film role was in Spike Lee’s Jungle Fever in which she played a drug addict named Vivian. Her first co-starring role was in the 1991 film Strictly Business. In 1992, Berry portrayed a career woman who falls for Eddie Murphy in the romantic comedy Boomerang. That same year, she caught the public’s attention as a headstrong biracial slave in the TV adaption of Queen: The Story of an American Family, based on the book by Alex Haley. Berry also played the sultry secretary in the live action Flintstones movie as “Sharon Stone”.

Playing a former drug addict struggling to regain custody of her son in Losing Isaiah (1995), Berry showed she could tackle more serious roles, holding her own opposite co-star Jessica Lange. She portrayed Sandra Beecher in Race the Sun (1996), which was based on a true story, and co-starred along side Kurt Russell in Executive Decision. In Bulworth, Berry received praise for her role as an intelligent woman raised by activists who gives politician Warren Beatty a new lease on life, and as the singer Zola Taylor, one of the three wives of pop singer Frankie Lymon, in the biopic Why Do Fools Fall in Love both in 1998.

In the 1999 film Introducing Dorothy Dandridge, Berry portrayed the first black woman to be nominated for a Best Actress Academy Award. In this HBO biopic, Berry’s performance was recognized with several awards including an Emmy and a Golden Globe. (She was also one of the producers of the project.)

Berry portrayed the mutant Storm in the movie adaptation of the popular comic book series X-Men (2000) and its successful sequels X2: X-Men United (2003) and X-Men: The Last Stand (2006). In 2001, Berry appeared in the movie Swordfish, which featured her first on-screen nude scene.

Later in 2001, Berry appeared as Leticia Musgrove, the wife of an executed murderer, in the film Monster’s Ball. Her performance was awarded the National Board of Review and the Screen Actors Guild prizes. The role earned her an Academy Award for Best Actress: she made history by becoming the first African American woman to earn a Best Actress Academy Award.

As Bond Girl Jinx in the (2002) blockbuster Die Another Day she famously re-created the scene from Dr. No, bursting from the surf to be greeted by James Bond, as Ursula Andress had 40 years earlier. In late 2003, Berry starred in the psychological thriller Gothika opposite Robert Downey Jr. Her next lead role was in the film Catwoman, for which she was awarded a “worst actress” Razzie award in 2005, which she accepted in person with a sense of humor and recognition that “to be at the top, you must experience the rock bottom”.

Berry next appeared in the Oprah Winfrey-produced ABC telepic Their Eyes Were Watching God (2005), an adaptation of Zora Neale Hurston’s novel, in which Berry portrayed Janie Crawford, an iconoclastic, free-spirited woman whose unconventional mores regarding relationships upset her 1920s contemporaries in her small community. Meanwhile, she voiced the character of Cappy, one of the many mechanical beings in the animated feature, Robots (2005). She has filmed the thriller Perfect Stranger with Bruce Willis and wrapped shooting Things We Lost in the Fire with Benicio del Toro. She is set to star in Class Act, based on the real life story of a teacher whose students helped her run for political office and “Tulia”, which will reunite her with Monster’s Ball costar Billy Bob Thornton.

Berry is making the transition to working on the production side of film and television. She is working with author Angela Nissel to executive produce a comedy series based on Nissel’s two memoirs, The Broke Diaries and Mixed: My Life in Black and White. Berry has served many years as the face of Revlon cosmetics, and was recently named the face of Versace. She is featured in Maxim magazine’s Girls of Maxim gallery.

Berry is one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood, commanding $14 million each for Gothika and Catwoman. In July 2007 she topped In Touch magazine’s list of the world’s most fabulous 40-something celebrities.

Personal life

Berry has been married twice. Her first marriage in 1992 to pro baseball player David Justice ended in divorce in 1996. Justice played with the Atlanta Braves and experienced a measure of fame as the team rose to prominence in the early 1990s. The couple found it difficult to maintain their relationship while he was playing baseball and she was filming elsewhere. Berry has stated publicly that she was so despondent after her breakup with Justice that she considered taking her own life.

Her second marriage in 2001 to musician Eric Benét resulted in a 2004 separation and 2005 divorce. In 2004, after the separation, Berry stated “I want love, and I will find it, hopefully”. While married to Benét, Berry made plans to adopt Eric’s daughter, India. However, the process was never finalized.

As of November 2005, she was dating French-Canadian supermodel Gabriel Aubry, who is nine years her junior. The couple met at a Versace photoshoot. After six months with Aubry, she stated in an interview “I’m really happy in my personal life, which is a novelty to me. You know I’m not the girl that has the best relationships”.

Berry revealed on Extra that she plans to adopt children. “I will adopt if it doesn’t happen for me naturally”, she said. “I will definitely adopt. And I probably will adopt even if it does happen naturally”. (Aubry, who lived in five foster families between the ages of 3 and 18, is presumably open to being an adoptive parent as well.) Later, she stated “I never want to be married again. I guess you could say I have bad taste in men. But I no longer feel the need to be someone’s wife. I don’t feel like I need to be validated by being in a marriage”.

After initially denying tabloid rumors of her being pregnant, Berry confirmed in September 2007 that she was indeed 3 months pregnant with Aubry’s baby.

Berry has stated that the manner in which people have reacted to her is often the result of ignorance. Her own self-identification has been influenced by her mother. She is quoted as saying her mother taught her not to discriminate because we’re all part of the same race; the human race…After having many talks with her mother about the issue, she reinforced what she had always taught her. She said that even though you are half black and half white, you will be discriminated against in this country as a black person. People will not know when they see you that you have a white mother unless you wear a sign on your forehead. And, even if they did, so many people believe that you have an ounce of black blood in you then you are black. So, therefore, I decided to let folks categorize me however they needed to.

Controversy

In February 2000, Berry was involved in a car accident in which she struck a vehicle after running a red light, and left the scene before the police arrived. Berry, who had sustained a head injury, stated she had no recollection of the accident and pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge. She paid a fine, made restitution to the other driver, performed community service, and was placed on three years’ supervised probation by the Los Angeles County Adult Probation Office.